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Kiss: Double platinum

10/02/10 || InquisitorGeneralis

When you name a greatest hits album after a measure of success itself you know you are bunch of pretentious assholes. But, Kiss know they are a bunch of pretentious assholes and have never shied away from that during a long, and love it or hate it, massively successful career. 1978’s “Double Platinum” the first of the 55,000 or so compilations Kiss have released celebrating how successful they have been. At least this one was put out before the horrific filth Kiss released after 1978, like “Lick it up” and “I was made for lovin’ you”. In a cruel twist of irony “Double Platinum” only went platinum. Suck on that dainty dick Chaim and Stanley… as you suck on a supermodel’s nipples while guzzling 1,000 dollars a bottle champagne. Fuck my hateful life.

Anyhow, the Kiss material on “Double Penetration” is undoubtedly the band’s best and the impact these kabuki clowns have had on the world of hard rock and metal is undeniable. Before becoming slaves to money they were a gritty, hard working band that challenged the Tide-washed arena rock and boring hippie-jam bands that had come to dominate the rock scene. This is evident on classic songs like the riff-driven “Deuce” and “Cold gin”. I can not deny that ‘Detroit rock city” kicks ass both in sound and content: dying on the way to a Kiss concert is a rough way to go but I salute the dedication. Does that get you a Medal of Honor in the Kiss Army?

Or do they chuck your worthless remains into one of these for a discount price? I highly doubt Gene would give one of these babies away? Eternity in the embrace of Kiss, HammerHomicide could only be so lucky!

Kiss Casket

Doesn’t Gene look like he is striking a Micheal Jacksonesque crotch grab pose there? Speaking of crotches “Love gun” is one of the best songs about dicks ever and certainly deserves a spot here. “God of thunder”, “Hotter than hell”, and “Black diamond” are also enjoyable classics. I am fucking sick of hearing “Rock and roll all night” but it is an iconic hard rock song so its presence is tolerable. There are some duds on here though: “Beth” has the power to turn the manliest, most steroid-injected boner into a weepy, sandy vagina and is just plain fucken awful. Sorry Peter Criss, but I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.

“C’mon love me”, “Makin’ love”, “Calling Dr. Love”…shit gets old after a while. How about “Lovin’ love is lovely” or “Letting love lick loves love-muscle”? Creativity was not and never will be Kiss’ strongest quality. Also, virtuosos these guys were definitely not. Kiss knew how to write a catchy rock tune but their technical skill has never turned heads. Is a solo still a solo when it is played the absolute same way every time for thirty years? Finally, many of the tracks on here were changed into “Remix” versions but nothing is too radically different. Still, completely unnecessary.

But, besides my negativity on some aspects the genuine Kiss classics do get a rise out of me from time to time and, like I said before, the band’s impact on the style of music I dig is undeniable. This is all the Kiss I will ever need, so I guess the following score is deserved by an album with some certified classics, several unnecessary remixes, and the musical abortion known as “Beth”.

Information
Released: 1978
Label: Casablanca
Website: www.kissonline.com
Band
Paul Stanley: vocals, guitar
Gene Simmons: vocals, bass
Ace Frehley: guitar
Peter Criss: drums

Tracklist
01. Strutter ’78
02. Do You Love Me?
03. Hard Luck Woman
04. Calling Dr. Love
05. Let Me Go, Rock ‘n’ Roll
06. Love Gun
07. God of Thunder
08. Firehouse (Remix)
09. Hotter Than Hell
10. I Want You
11. Deuce (Remix)
12. 100,000 Years (Remix)
13. Detroit Rock City (Remix)
14. Rock Bottom (Intro) / She (Remix)
15. Rock and Roll All Nite
16. Beth
17. Makin’ Love
18. C’mon And Love Me (Remix)
19. Cold Gin
20. Black Diamond

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